Terrible Blogger

Wow! Do I ever suck at this.

Apparently the entries I make in my head are not getting to the Internet.

I am a little concerned that Wren is a younger sibling savant.  She has tattled on her sister already - quite self righteously.  Today she mastered the art of "I'm not touching you!"  She poked the air around her sister and drove her absolutely insane.  The freak out was outstanding and again there was a look of pure self righteous delight.

 

Stupid Universe

After praising the universe for the timely arrival of Chickenbutt's Christmas present it has turned against me.  I have not been doing well with my battle with my weight.  Complaining has not helped.  Nor has whining or crying.  Now the local weight watchers meeting has moved within two blocks of my house.  It seems as if the universe wants me to attend the meetings.  And when I went I discovered that the tickets I had bought last time I joined (when I had to quit within weeks because I got pregnant again) are still good.  It seems the universe wants me to work at losing weight. 

And the last time we went to McDonald's my sandwich was cold.

The Universe has Spoken

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Kid's Shows I Would Like to See

We don't get very many channels that feature kid's shows.  We get PBS, RetroTeletoon and Disney Junior.  No Treehouse, no Nickalodeon and no children's tier of channel selection.  I actively avoid the most annoying shows like Caillou and Special Agent Oso.  Yet there are still many, many shows I hate.  I actively hate the Dinosaur Train.  Who thought of that?  What kind of shitty paleontologist is Scott that he will give out dinosaur facts but never once mention that there were no trains or time travel back then?  He must have missed a day in university.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: The Lawsuit
The Looney Tunes gang sues the Disney gang over access to the clubhouse.  After they are admitted on anti-discrimination laws Elmer Fudd goes berserk and starts shooting.  Starting with Daisy.

The Land Before Time: The K/T Boundary
A giant meteorite hits the Earth wiping out all the dinosaurs.  Six minute episode.  Tops.

The Dinosaur Train: Buddy Grows Up
One morning Buddy wakes up and realizes that he is a T-Rex.  He eats the Ptaranadon family. 
Then gets hit by a giant meteorite.

Strawberry Shortcake: The Big Freeze
Frost kills all the crops in Very Bitty City. No supplies lead to a slow starvation. No more vapid laughter. In good news Blueberry Muffin was away and survives.

Thomas and Friends: The Toxic Spill
Thomas is derailed and his cargo is a toxic chemical that causes the island of Sodor to be declared a wasteland.  All of the trains must remain on the island.  Did I mention that the chemical spilled all over Sir Toppham Hatt?  He melts!

Choo Choo Soul: The Engineer gets some Street Cred
How many people would the engineer have to kill in order to get some respect as a real rapper?  Can you even recover from rapping on a cartoon train?  Count the victims!  Math skills!

Scooby Doo: Meets a Real Monster
Watch as Scooby and the gang try to unmask a real bear!  Hilarity ensues as the body parts rain down!

Handy Manny: Mr Lopart's Background Check
Would you leave your children alone with Mr. Lopart?  I sure wouldn't.  Something is not right with that guy.  Can the police figure it out?

Curious George: A Visit to the Zoo
The man in the yellow hat takes George to the zoo and leaves him there.  In a cage.  Poor George, there is not much too be curious about in a cell. 
In a follow-up episode every scientific body on the planet refuses to acknowledge the man with the yellow hat and he is outed as just some crazy guy with a monkey fetish and a lot of yellow clothes.  Maybe the police officer from Sheetrock Hills can take a closer look in a crossover episode.

Which Kid is Weird????

I get frustrated with my toddler because she is so busy.  My husband finds her exasperating.   Every one at our regular hangouts knows her full name.   The gymnastics teacher knew her name within seconds.  One little girl at playschool even said, "that girl didn't listen."

So far my toddler's day has gone like this:

• woke up around 6:30
• threw sippy cup when ran out of chocolate milk
• temper tantrum
• fought with sister over spot on couch
• hugged cat*
• refused breakfast
• climbed in laundry basket on kitchen table to pet cat
• temper tantrum when removed from laundry basket
• turned out bathroom light while I was in the shower
• threw sippy cup when discovered it empty
• hugged cat
• temper tantrum when sister turned off TV
• refused to get hair combed
• ran away in Chapters
• helped herself in Starbucks
• temper tantrum when I tried to help her drink her hot chocolate
• ran away in Starbucks
• temper tantrum when sister got out of car first
• temper tantrum when couldn't get her boots off
• hugged cat
• pushed chair over to oven to help me make lunch
• temper tantrum when chair moved away from stove
• pushed chair over to counter and ate kiwi off her plate while I was cooking lunch
• refused actual lunch including the replacement kiwi
• temper tantrum over no dessert
• dumped out laundry basket to play in
• hugged cat
• threw book at me in hopes I would read it
• nap

The more I deal with her though the more I realize it is my three year old that is odd.

Her day so far:

• woke up around 7:15
• fought with sister over spot on couch
• watched TV
• read books 
• ate breakfast
• read books
• got dressed
• went to Chapters and Starbucks
• read her new book
• threw bumble bee toy around
• ate lunch
• had dessert
• watched Monsters VS Aliens while reading books
• nap

Now don't get me wrong, she can be trouble as well.  She just does it differently.  She is more of a scam artist.  Her sister is just much more direct.  Which will cause a reversal in source of stress for me when they are teenagers.


*Hugging cat is the nice way of saying what she does.  One cat is definitely harmed in each of their encounters.

Got Junk? Not anymore! Well maybe a little...

Our basement no longer looks like an episode from Hoarders.  Despite what my husband says.  I am a huge packrat.  I keep things the kids may use.  Things that can be made into crafts.  Old letters.  Books I may read again.  Clothes that will one day fit.  Every CD I ever owned.  Books I haven't read.

Here is a list of things I did not find in the basement:

• a dead mouse or any other vermin - a must have for anyone on Hoarders.
• one flip flop -the other one finally got thrown out.
• the pulsating spider egg sack from arachnophobia -Anytime I clean someplace dark I am afraid of finding that thing.
• my 505 spray glue - I have lost at least 2 cans of that stuff, where could it be going?  At first I thought my husband was hiding it from me in an attempt to get me to clean up the basement but now I think it must be getting sucked into some vortex.
• loose socks - although I did find a pair of dirty socks by my husband's golf bag-EWWWWW
• a skeleton - I saw some TV show as a kid (that I swear was Newhart) where they found a skeleton while moving a wall and it remains a concern for me.
• treasure - wouldn't it be great to find a Picasso or a wad of cash?  No luck though.

Parent of the Year

Today I took Chickenbutt to the library for a program.  We were early so we chose a few books.
As we are reading the tarantula book, that she picked out, she starts crying.
Me: Why are you crying?
Chickenbutt: I don't want the tarantula with orange striped legs to bite me.
Me: He won't, it is too cold here for tarantulas.
Chickenbutt: Does he bite?
Me: Yep, but he doesn't live here because it is too cold.
Chickenbutt: I don't want him to bite.
Me: He won't, it is too cold for tarantulas here.
Chickenbutt: (louder and whinier) Will he bite?
Me: Nope. 
Keep in mind that she LOVES spiders and is full of spider facts but the program was during nap time so she was likely over-tired.
All of this was witnessed by a mom who was glaring at me and whom I run into at numerous other places.